


Unconditional Adoration

by SleepySsnail



Series: Hello Heartbreak [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Heartbreak, Hurt, M/M, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Romance, Sequel, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 18:39:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16498094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepySsnail/pseuds/SleepySsnail
Summary: Logan knew what love could do to a person, he could see the destruction it caused and how it left people shattered and ruined. He knew how promising and fulfilling it felt until it broke down and left him with nothing but emptiness.Sequel toSimple Heartbreakbut can be read as a standalone.





	Unconditional Adoration

It was like a drug.

Love wasn’t something Logan was familiar with, at least not in the romantic sense. He found it disgusting, how someone could lose their common sense over one person and potentially destroy themselves in the process. He didn’t understand why someone would declare their partner to be their “other half” and only focus on them. Logan didn’t know why couples would emphasize their relationship with their partner, but let their friendships dwindle and fade. In truth, Logan didn’t understand how someone could unconditionally love someone, there was always a catch that brought at least one condition to light.

Virgil changed everything.

He was a listener, always paying attention to how others responded to comments, always providing an opinion to try and point out any faults to work through. Virgil listened to Logan and made him feel heard, paying attention to the logic he provided in situations where too many feelings would cause an issue. Logan stopped looking to books for comfort to seeking out Virgil to talk and express himself through words, finding that he could articulate himself to someone who would listen.

Virgil was caring too, pulling Logan’s textbooks away from him when it was obvious he was overworking himself. Virgil reprimanded Logan for pulling allnighters, even if he did it himself, and always tried to keep up with his studies so he could be of assistance to Logan in study groups. True, they argued at each other like friends did, talking over each other to try and get their point across, but they never got mad at each other. Logan found he couldn’t get mad at Virgil no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t even find something about Virgil he’d change.

It was easy for Logan to observe people and their behavior, never spending too much time thinking about one person, but Virgil was always on his mind. How Virgil always rubbed his fingers together when nervous about asking something, the way he doodled mindlessly in the margins of his notepaper, the way he smiled when Patton made a joke or when Roman gave him the rest of his food. Logan also noticed how Virgil relaxed in his presence, the tension in his shoulders dissipating and the worried look in his eyes fading whenever Logan walked into the room.

It made him feel important. He loved it.

Logan didn’t remember when he stopped liking Virgil’s company and when he started loving it. He didn’t remember when Virgil’s habits became endearing and wonderful to watch instead of just a minor action. He didn’t remember when he stopped thinking of Virgil as someone he respected and instead as someone he loved dearly. It set fire to something in Logan’s chest that warmed him and made him feel light as air. It also burned his bones as he realized he wouldn’t cause Virgil to feel the same.

Logan may have been infatuated, but he was still observant.

Virgil only had eyes for Roman, and it cut Logan in pieces to realize that he would never be enough. He couldn’t make Virgil smile the way Roman did. He couldn’t make Virgil laugh the way Roman could. Logan didn’t have the bravery to pull Virgil into a dance to the music of a street performer, he didn’t have the skill to write his own music and compose songs for each of his friends like Roman did.

He wasn’t Roman.

He wasn’t what Virgil wanted.

But Logan still noticed things. Beyond his painful love for Virgil, past Virgil’s adoration of Roman, he could see how things would crash and burn. He could see that both Patton and Roman had eyes for only each other. He noticed the simple gestures of Roman giving Patton flowers from the campus garden, he saw the secret bags of cookies Patton handed to Roman after a successful theater class, and he noticed how neither of them could see how much it hurt Virgil. Logan saw the pain in Virgil’s eyes as Roman and Patton looked at each other with undeniable love.

It was the failed attempt at a study group that ripped the hole in Logan’s chest open wider.

Seeing Virgil crying alone sent waves of rage though Logan, his ears burning with anger that neither of the lovebirds noticed how hurt their friend was. He held Virgil closely, feeling his shirt get damp as his friend sobbed and sputtered apologies into his shoulder, and for a moment he let himself indulge in what he could never have.

But just as soon as he tricked himself into having what he wanted it was ripped away as Virgil choked out, “Have you ever had a really bad crush on someone, and they never even considered loving you back?”

Logan felt his muscles tense and his throat constrict as he forced himself to said, “Yes.”

“That’s what’s going on. I hate it,” Virgil whimpered, gripping the back of Logan’s shirt tighter and burying his face in Logan’s neck.

“I know,” Logan said, his voice wavering as tears threatened to fall. Swallowing his feelings and blinking rapidly Logan restated, “I know.”

They had stood there, alone in the parking lot, both trying to stop tears from flowing and both trying to nurse broken hearts. It took a while for Virgil to end the embrace and wipe his face, it took longer for Logan to convince him to go home and rest for the night. As Virgil’s truck turned a corner and disappeared from sight, Logan felt unexplainable rage build up in him, replacing the melancholy sadness he experienced just moments earlier.

It was nearly a week later when he learned one word that burned itself into Logan’s memory.

Agape.

The Greek word for unconditional and limitless love. The thought of it made Logan sick to his stomach, but it lingered in the back of his mind like a bad memory. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was scared to try applying the word to himself and his feelings. He didn’t want to know if he was able to love someone unconditionally. He was terrified that if he did, he would ruin it all. But he did. Slowly Logan thought through his family and friends, attempting to match them up with the idea of agape love, purposefully saving one person for last.

He already knew it before he even started, he didn’t want to believe it but he had to. Letting his hands rest on the keys of his laptop, Logan stared at the long word document before him, a list of everything he felt emotionally since meeting Virgil. From the first time his face heated up to the desperate and broken hug in the library parking lot, it was all written down and organized. Logan’s love for Virgil was unconditional, limitless, selfless, gentle, patient and agonizingly true.

Wiping a tear from his eye, Logan typed a thought before saving the document and closing it.

_He may never love me the way I love him, but I will always show him the love he deserves. I will support him in whatever makes him happy. _He is Virgil. He is perfect in his own way, even if I’m the only one who sees it._ He is what lights up my world, and I will always love him unconditionally._

Logan’s chest was hollow. His heart burned hot, but he only felt cold. He wanted someone to comfort him, to hold him and show him he was cared for. But he was alone. He couldn’t ask Virgil to calm him down and manipulate love from him, so he stayed alone in his apartment, gripping the sleeves of his jacket as he tried to fight back the tremble in his lip and the tears gathering in his eyes.

His cries were silent, but they held all the pain Logan had stored away.

**Author's Note:**

> I did write this a while back, but I still liked it and wanted to put it here too. I just like Logan angst even if I have a hard time writing from his perspective. This is also on my [Tumblr ](https://sleepyssnail.tumblr.com/post/173715535911/unconditional-adoration) along with some other writings.


End file.
